The Biggest Tale Tall Ever!

May 31, 2009, 7:27 am by dc-agape.

Tales of the Patriarchs (Part 4)

After the Flood, Noah does his hocus-pocus of burnt offerings (blood sacrifices) to YHWH.  Here it says that all the deaths caused by the Flood were not enough atonement for YHWH.  Even though his anger was his own fault for chaining the rebellious angels to earth!  The Most High did truly enjoy the smell of burnt flesh; I guess that covered up some of the stench from the drowned and rotting animal carcasses. 

Then Noah debarks with a lion at his side, I wonder how much fresh meat they had on hand to keep this beast sated for an entire year?  But the even bigger Tall Tale is that Noah then “walked about the length and breadth of the land”.  Walking even a few 100 miles would not have been the “length nor the breadth of the land”.  So this is obviously a metaphor or exaggeration, because we know from this Tractate that he also planted a winery and within 4 years it was producing the wine that would get him drunk in Gen 9:20-21.  But the Tall Tales don’t stop there!  As soon as he leaves the Ark “the whole land was filled with grass, herbs, and grain”.  None of these seed can withstand the conditions of the Flood.  Just reading the previous linked abstract, it is obvious that the high water and high nitrogen (rotting animal flesh) would make the soils completely inimical to plant life.  So not only is the Flood, itself, a huge Tall Tale, but the survival of plants after the flood is impossible.  When you combine all the different parts of the Tall Tale it could not have happened!

In the next section of the Tractate YHWH comes down to see how Noah faired for after the Flood.  Here is where some people believe that humans were vegetarians prior to the Flood but changed to eating meat after the Flood.  In Gen 1:29 YHWH gives all plants to Adam, here in this Tractate, just as in Gen 9:3, YHWH gives Noah all the animals as food as well.  This unchanging YHWH certainly changes his mind a lot!  Since of course, we know that many Jews and Catholics are forbidden to eat certain foods, after YHWH gave all plants and animals to us.  Of course, the rainbow is brought up in this Tractate as well, as if water particles did not make rainbows before the Flood (another Tall Tale). 

The two sections that follow this will end this post.  The second to last section I want to cover in this post is about the children of Noah.  It would seem that at least two grandchildren of Noah survived being on the Ark.  Can you imagine having two young children on an overcrowded Ark for an entire year?  I wonder how many more were loaded on the Ark and accidently became food for the lions, tigers, and bears!  But Noah was prosperous in the flooded world and his children were as well.  In total recorded number Noah only had three sons, but an unnumbered of children were born to him after he turned 640 years old!  To add to that Noah’s three named sons had 32 more children.  So if this is true, it should not be Mitochondrial Eve but Mitochondrial Emzara (Noah’s Wife)!  Most of Eve’s Mitochondrial DNA died out in the Flood.

The last section I want to talk about in this post is the next sacrifice that Noah made, and no it is not in the Book of Genesis.  That same vineyard that would be the cause of such fatherly love later in Ham’s life was the source of this next sacrifice.  After four years of toiling the soil, Noah had his first batch of wine ready.  Except it really wasn’t a great sacrifice…Noah invites all his family to the alter and they all get drunk off the first crop of wine!  Sounds like worshiping Dionysus or Bacchus.  Even more to the point: Dionysus has a holy day on Jan 3^rd…Noah celebrated his “sacrifice” on Jan 1^st!  When you realize that Roman/Greek influence had already reached the authors of this Tractate…it is obvious that they were writing from personal experience and not “spiritual” guidance.  Yet these Tractates were taken as literally as the writings of Moses!

As an Atheist, reading these texts clearly show how religious materials are written by men to describe their surroundings.  When you combined the knowledge how Scientology and Cargo Cults developed, not a single religion in the world has any supernatural source.  Scientology was created for one purpose: to make money!  The Cargo Cults of the South Pacific were created by accidental exposure to modern technology.  Religion is created by man for man’ own power…nothing supernatural about it!  For another example of how religion is man-made take a look at this post by yunshui at Right to Think entitled “Lies, damn lies, and Catholics”.

Posted in Genesis Material, Tales of the Patriarchs, Dead Sea Scroll, Traditions of Men, Tall Tales, Readings | Print | 3 Comments »