Slave Wives (Part 2)

August 1, 2009, 11:08 am by dc-agape.

Chapter 29:31-30:24

At this point Jacob has two wives, but he only loves one of them.  Being a good husband he has sex with both of them, even though it is obvious that he has neither respect nor love for Leah.  One of the possible problems of marrying first cousins is being barren but many other undesired effects can occur.  YHWH allows this type of sexual propagation of the offspring of Jacob with this knowledge. 

Leah is the first to have a son.  She names the boy “he has seen my misery” or more concisely Reuben.  Wouldn’t you love to grow up with that name?  She continues to bear children for Jacob, but Jacob does not love her more for each son born.  She has Simeon, Levi, and Judah.  Still Jacob only loves and respects Rachel. 

Rachel on the other hand, becomes jealous (do I hear “Satan”) over how her sister is popping out sons.  In desperation, she gives her slave to Jacob as a wife.  Bilhah does not have a choice in the matter, she is a slave.  This is equivalent to rape.  But in the process Bilhah has two sons: Dan and Naphtali.  At this point Jacob has three wives and 6 sons.

Leah recognizes that she has become barren and rushes to give Jacob another slave wife that he can rape.  Zilpah has two sons: Gad and Asher.  Now Jacob has four wives and 8 sons.  But two of these wives are slaves, with no freewill.

Rachel at this point is beyond desperate.  Without even calling on YHWH, she approaches Leah and wants a magical plant that Reuben has just collected.  Hmm, I wonder what ever Leah wanted with it?  To get the mandrake from Leah, Rachel allows Leah to have sex with Jacob.  When a wife must hire her husband:

^{Gen 30:16} So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. “You must sleep with me,” she said. “I have hired you with my son’s mandrake.” So he slept with her that night.”

You really can tell that Jacob is an ass!  When Leah, his wife, has to buy his sexual favors like a prostitute, that’s just wrong!  It turns out that Leah gets pregnant from this episode, and names the son Issachar.  In fact, Leah has sex with Jacob at least two more times and gives birth to Zebulun and Dinah.

Finally, YHWH remembers that Rachel even exists, possibly because of the mandrake root, and Jacob’s last child is born, who is named Joseph.  In the end, Jacob has two wives, two slaves that he has sexual intercourse with, one daughter, and 12 sons, of which only one is his favorite.  What a man!  Here is a wonderful example of what YHWH wants each and every one of us men to be like.  You women out there are shit out of luck; YHWH just wants you to pop out babies.

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